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2017. Directed by Matthew Vaughn.

May contain spoilers, depends on how you look at it.

We go back to Poppy (played by Julianne Moore, giving the role her all but she doesn’t seem to be given much to go on) who has her new henchman kill off her old henchman to intimidate him into servitude, only to kill him off a couple of scenes later. I don’t really understand the work these henchmen were carrying out for her to begin with. She’s decided to lace her drugs with a virus that will kill off all the drug users to make the President of the USA legalize all drugs and then she’ll release the antidote. It’s a needlessly complicated and nonsensical plan, even for a spy parody. For starters, why does Poppy want this when she seems to be doing very well for herself already and she’ll potentially lose money by paying taxes. And why did she decide to take down the Kingsman service, it’s like throwing rocks at a hornets nest. The survivors will (and do) come after her. She could’ve carried out her plan without informing them. What’s more, she doesn’t ever seem to know who the Kingsman are, which raises the question; did Robot Arm carry out the hit on his own? If so, why does she have such an undisciplined henchman when she had her others mince each other into burger meat?

I’m getting away from myself. This movie is on the Suicide Squad level of poor plot and lousy character choices.

Eggsy and Whisky are instructed to go to the Glastonbury Music Festival to insert a surveillance device into the girlfriend of Robot Arm's vagina. Yes, this is something that happens in this movie.

We also have an Elton John problem here. If the guy had turned up once, maybe twice, it could’ve made for a fun cameo. But they keep him coming back again and again, shredding what little of a joke they had to start with into tiny, annoying pieces. It feels like whenever he's on screen they have him winking into the camera and shouting how much fun this movie is. Desperate times.

You would’ve thought that after the atrocious Kick Ass 2 ruined that franchises potential, that Vaughn and creator Mark Miller would’ve been more thoughtful toward their Kingsman property, but very little care seems to have gone into this.


Kingsman: The Golden Circle can be avoided at your local cinema now!

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