There comes a Saturday toward the end of September when the streets dry up, the people you’re used to seeing are suddenly gone, the sounds of the general population are absent, and predictions are that this coming Saturday will be one of the worst on record. So what does one do, when you’re that One Guy of your social group that just doesn’t seem to get it? Like, where is everyone anyway? Wait, you’re doing what? For how long? Really?
So obviously, don’t plan an afternoon tea party, or a board game marathon, picnic on the beach, jam session, what have you, because, as you know after years of trying, no one will show up. Do those things on Sunday. Your friends will be back.
So here are my tips for 5 Things to do this coming Saturday, which is just like any other Saturday when you’re that One Guy.
1. Get in some solid screen time.
This one’s obvious. If you’re friends aren’t going to turn up in person, then the people from within the warm glow of your brand new massive television will suffice. But what to watch? With Thor: Ragnarok coming out in October, you could take a look back on the works of director Taika Waititi, being Eagle Vs Shark, Boy, What We Do In The Shadows, and Hunt For The Wilderpeople. All are great. Or perhaps you’re more looking forward to Blade Runner 2049, and so I’d recommend sitting down with Blade Runner (obviously), Arrival (from director Dennis Villeneuve), and Alien Covenant (the latest from Ridley Scott, which I hear is terrible, so maybe skip it). I’d also really really like to recommend a binge watch of American Vandal on Netflix. Check it out!
2. Get back to nature.
Let’s face it, nature will be pretty much empty this Saturday, you’ll have it all to yourself. The surrounds of Adelaide have so much to offer, from Mt Lofty, Morialta Falls, Cleland Wildlife Park (get your photo taken with a koala!), and all of our fabulous beaches. You could pack a bag of bread and feed the ducks up in Blackwood’s Wittunga Park or take in the Adelaide Botanic Gardens. Or head a bit further and get adventurous trekking through Kuitpo Forrest. Nature is great!
3. Shopping spree!
With the shops relatively empty, you’ll be first in line everywhere. I’ll warn you, shop assistants may ask you about something called “the score”, but who knows what this means, just reply with a random selection of numbers and see how they react. Christmas is fast approaching, so just imagine getting all the gifts for loved ones done so early. With no line-ups. No crowds. No fighting over the final Furby this year! Did I mention there’d be no line-ups? This is how royalty must shop.
4. Be a tourist in your own town.
There’s a bunch of great stuff around town. Head toward the hills and enjoy the sights of the world’s largest rocking horse, or the Birdwood motor museum, or even make the journey to Victor Harbour and have a ride on a carriage drawn by a giant real life horse. You could see penguins. Or stay in Adelaide, hire yourself a bike, and get peddling between the Art Gallery, Museum, and then pop over to the zoo. You could even get yourself a trip on the Popeye, the only boat of its kind that I’ve ever seen. My hot tip here is a trip to the SA Museum to see their temporary exhibit Spectacular Space, where you’ll get to see a bunch of stuff from South Australia’s very own Astronaut, Dr Andy Thomas. Thanks Andy!
5. Cook for your friends.
They are coming back, probably after sundown, so what better way to greet them than with a glorious meal that you’ve been preparing all day. Slow-roasted meats? Tacos? Wood oven pizza? Crayfish? The humble hotdog? Whatever you decide, make sure you source only the finest ingredients and keep it really classy, because you’ll either be celebrating or consoling some powerful, emotional wounds.
6. Find all the other One Guys.
Ok, this is a bonus round, because as far as I know it’s never been achieved. Surely there are more of us? I urge you all, wherever you are, that if you see another One Guy this Saturday, flying a kite, hiking through the woods, carefully selecting the perfect jumper, or pouring over the artifacts of the Egyptian room at the museum, go up and say hi. Together we are strong.